The Total Noob’s Guide to Writing Fiction

I used to play a lot of World of Warcraft.

I don’t know about other MMORPGs, but I assume they do a similar thing that Blizzard does for its new players. Every race has a little newbie zone where you can run around and stab bunnies and work on just getting a feel for the game overall. There’s virtually nothing that can kill you (unless you’re trying to die on purpose). These are referred to as “starter zones” or “newbie zones.”

These zones won’t teach you jack about the finer points of gameplay, but they will give you a foundation to build off of. Especially for people like me, who can’t even walk in a straight line when they play video games (don’t even get me started on Halo.)

Now, full disclosure here. I am a bit of a grammar nerd. I don’t like being called a Grammar Nazi (because seriously, fuck Nazis), but a friend once called me a Grammar Nazgul and I immediately got monogrammed towels.


I’ve been writing seriously for a long time, and have come to the following conclusions:

  1. There is no one right way to write.
  2. You should never take writing advice solely from one source.
  3. Grammar matters.

I have attempted to give noob writers advice before, and I’ve had some trouble. It’s not their fault, and it’s not mine. It’s the situation’s fault. I’ve taken up to College Statistics which means I’m moderately comfortable with math, but my brain would explode if I tried to tackle a really intense math class, like Differential Equations.

The solution, of course, would be for me to continue taking math classes in order to build the skills and set the neural pathways in my brain that would eventually make DE a possibility.

So I thought, “Well why can’t I treat writing like math?”

I can, friends. I can. And I will!

So I’m going to start a thing here in a little bit: The Total Noob’s Guide to Writing Fiction. I’m sure it’s been done before, and it will be done again, but this is my little attempt at it, and I hope it helps someone.

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